I’m part of a dedicated pickleball group that meets twice a week at 6 a.m. for two hours at a local gym. Players range from 35 to over 60 (like me), and we rotate through doubles matches on three courts. The gym advertises this time as “open play,” meaning anyone of any skill level can sign in and play. But in reality, that level is high.
Our group’s challenge is the presence of one woman who is kind and well-meaning, but whose skill level is far below the rest of us. It’s not about her age or gender — she appears to have a neurological deficit affecting her reaction time. No one wants to exclude her, but we struggle to enjoy competitive play when she’s on the court. We make an effort to include her, but privately, we wonder why she hasn’t realized that she’s out of place.
Would it be kinder to gently suggest she join a less competitive pickleball session, rather than our continuing to accommodate her with quiet frustration? While it’s an open session and we have no right to ask her to leave, everyone wishes she would. When I joined, I knew I needed to improve to keep up, and I did. No one believes she can. — Name Withheld
From the Ethicist:
You say that you may be dealing with someone who has a neurological deficit. Encouraging people with disabilities to participate as widely as possible in social life should be one of the goals of a decent society. Sometimes this will require patience. But the terms of participation need to be openhearted and respectful.
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That’s not the climate you’re describing. Let’s suppose that, as you suspect, this woman really isn’t going to improve. I agree that it’s not ideal for her to be the object of unspoken resentment and disdain. If she chooses to leave, though, someone else will become the worst player. Will that person then be pressured to leave, too? It sounds as if your group isn’t engaged in an “open play” session — you’ve formed an unofficial competitive club with an implicit skill requirement.
If this is indeed the situation, consider working with the gym to create a separate high-level session so that expectations for those in your group are clear upfront. Or establish a rotation system that naturally sorts players by skill, as in a “ladder” where wins and losses determine court placement. If all else fails, you could have a discussion with her and acknowledge that the early-morning group has evolved into a more competitive session. You could suggest that she might get more out of the beginner-friendly sessions that the gym offers.
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